One of the top reasons students drop out of college is lack of parental support. You may be focused on what your son or daughter needs to bring to college but how much time have you spent considering what to bring to your new relationship? Sending your teen son or daughter to college is a key milestone for you and your family.

When thinking of your child leaving home, you might be experiencing a roller-coaster of emotions, including excitement, pride, and joy as well as stress and sheer terror. As your almost grown child develops a stronger sense of identity and independence over the next four years, your parenting role will change, but will remain very important.

A strong parent-child relationship is essential to your son or daughter's confidence and college success.Over the next few years, you will lose your position as your child's chauffeur, housekeeper, cook, executive secretary, tutor, supervisor, and probation officer. However, your child may re-hire you as chief confidant, counselor, coach, and cheerleader. Here are some strategies to help you as a parent prepare for your new parenting role:

DON'T: Interrupt, give unsolicited advice or try to take control of your child's problems.

INSTEAD: LISTEN!

Everyone likes receiving another's undivided attention. Your children will appreciate a safe place to air their thoughts, feelings, dreams and concerns. Attentive listening is one of the best gifts a parent can give a child. Your children will feel empowered to solve their own problems once they are able to talk things through.

DON'T: Minimize their feelings through invalidating statements such as "College is supposed to be the best time of your life," or "I wasn't as fortunate as you when I was your age."

INSTEAD: ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS.

Young adults' feelings can be intense and may change rapidly, but they are still REAL.

DON'T: Share any lack of confidence you may have in your child or review his/her past failures.

INSTEAD: FOCUS ON THEIR STRENGTHS.

Remind your child of their positive qualities and coping skills during the hard times.

Also notice (aloud) when your child is working hard, handling a tough situation maturely, or developing any other positive character traits. He/she will appreciate this acknowledgement.

DON'T: Hide your love and affection for your child.

INSTEAD: PROVIDE TOKENS OF YOUR AFFECTION.

Give genuine compliments and expressions of support and concern. Find ways to show your affection for your child in little ways. College students love receiving letters, e-mail and care packages.

DON'T: Let your child's suffering go unnoticed.

INSTEAD: KNOW WHEN TO STEP IN.

Express the concerns you have about their behavior, their mood, their relationships, etc. in non-judgmental terms. Listen to their responses and ask how you can be helpful.

RED FLAG!: If you believe your child is at risk of being harmed or will hurt him/herself, contact the appropriate school resources such as the resident counselor, campus police, the university counseling center or the dean of student life.

DON'T: Hide family crises such as divorce or family illness from your child or spring bad news upon them when they return home on breaks.

INSTEAD: HAVE A CARING CONVERSATION EARLY ON.

Give your child advanced notice to prepare for a change in the family's lifestyle. Choose a time when he or she will be receptive to hearing difficult news (not the night before finals!) and then share the information in a sensitive manner. Encourage your son or daughter to express thoughts and feelings about the news and acknowledge your child's right to those feelings.

DON'T: Pin all your expectations and dreams on your child's achievements and happiness.

INSTEAD: "GET A LIFE!"

Enjoy your newfound freedom by nurturing yourself, exploring your interests and developing your relationships.

Susan Orenstein, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in Cary, who provides consultation, coaching, and group seminars to students and their parents to help ease the transition from high school to college.